vxxen's Diaryland Diary

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rehab again

ok, i didi it again..

i had physical therapy today for my ankle and after that went straight to carlos' house cuz i was horny again. well needless to say everything was cool. got some and bounce a little after that. he had work and i had to get home to beat everybody home. i didnt soooo now im in trouble cuz i didnt tell no one where i went and lied about it. so fucken sue me im gonna do what the fuck i wanna do. i got needs too shit and if u think that ur daughter does not have sex then you are delusional. i know now that hes not my boyfriend (hes not bf material) hes a friend with benefits kind of guy and i realize that and have no mean feelings towards that . im over the fact that he didnt call or didnt do what he was supposed t do with me when i was hurt/recovering. fuck it. the sex is great. and on my waiting for the 6 train i realized that what happens if the guy im supposed to meet next is overlooked by me? hes over looked cuz i still see carlos?...

fucken shit. and i really dont wanna stop seeing carlos i mean shit. this isnt fair! if he only cared about me i would be fine. but he doesnt so whatever.... i know im supposed to grow without him, away from him, but can being friends hurt my chances of meeting someone new??? am i supposed to use this time to grow )i know i am i just dont want too, and if i dont want to i will never grow. i want to grow...) damnit i hate being a grown up.... now i think im gonna cry. so now i have to let go...again fuck. now i gotta "detox" damnit.

oh and also i was on the busstop today waiting for the bus in queens when i got a call from carlos after i left his house...

ring.
"hello?"
"kay?"
"hey, carlos. whats up?
"Did you go thru my wallet?"
"What?
"Did you go thru my wallet?
"No. why would i do that?"
"re you sure?"
"Yeah. your jeans were on top of mine on the floor and when i threw them on the bed, you wallet fell out. you dont go thru my stuff why should i go thru your stuff?"
"ok, ok Kay. i see you later."
"ok, bye, carlos."
...

i did too go thru his wallet lol i lied my fucken ass off and dont feel shit about it... i was trying to find that love letter again that he had in his wallet and i wanted to take it so i can translate it wen i got home. shit i aint dumb. fuck that. i want to see who its from . cuz i kow he was messing with this older chick from work and i want proof even though i know i wont find it cuz that little bastard is slick...

yeah yeah i know im in idiot...

Hi, my name is Kamile and im addicted to carlos.."
Hi, Kamile

2:53 p.m. - June 25, 2008

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