vxxen's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Troubles, galore! so, a lot of things has happened..... I was losing weight. I was 197 and got all the way down to 185 but I had to stop because the medical weight loss drug that I was on was giving me suicidal thoughts. It got so bad that I was looking up ways to do it. I told mom that I was having those thoughts but not looking ways up. I called my bariatric doctor and told her and she told me to stop taking the medication. so now im just on regular diet. the bad thing is a couple of weeks ago, I was in an accident with my father (he was driving) and someone hit us from behind. so my neck and back is messed up and swollen. he told me not to exercise yet until im healed. im pissed. I wanna ride my bike and work out on weights but I can't yet cuz ill hurt my self more. maybe ill do some yoga. ... on TOP of all this, I believe that I have ADD. I have a hard time concentrating, I can't sit still, I can't finish a book. I can't sit still long enough to concentrate on exercising or finish. making my bracelets that I love to do. im just ((groans)) like, it's a lot. and I was always like this but I always blamed it on the medications that I've been on since I was 14 years old. I went to a psych back in 2018 to help me finish school by giving me meds ( and thats the ONLY reason I believe that got me to study and finish school, other wise without that medication that I can't remember what it was, I wouldn't have finished). and I found out that he later passed away. but now I do have a regular psychiatrist and he's awesome to talk to . I can relate to him.hes an adorable little middle-aged jewish man. so sweet and he watches all of the marvel stuff so we always talk about it after. he's always asking about my family and I always ask about him. I wanted to tell my mother about me and the ADD but every time I tell her something is wrong , she calls me paranoid and shit. and I know im not. when I was on bipolar medication, I was searching one late night and came across a link that says that someone was diagnosed as bipolar but it was really polycystic ovary syndrome. I went and got tested for PCOS and come to find out that I was. so I've been off bipolar medication for the past 5 or 6 years and I'm taking hormones to regulate my PCOS. im just nervous that my psychiatrist will think that im making it up or that im being paranoid or whatever but I called his secretary and explained it to him and she said that you can talk to him about anything and that he's not like that. which shes right about I feel that I can talk to him about anything. im more comfortable telling him than I am about telling my mother. but, well see how that goes. im making a list of things that effects me in my little red book that I bought. I bought the same red book for my symptoms when I as having a tough time before. all I wanna do is concentrate, do school work, graduate, work out soon, lose weight and talk to boys lol thats all I want out of life right now. I see my therapist once every other week. but im 2 hours late to work all the time which is ok with my boss, but I dont wanna go thru my hours like that so im gonna maybe talk to her about coming in 2 hours early the next day after Thursday. I hope she lets me. we'll see.
8:49 p.m. - June 17, 2021 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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