vxxen's Diaryland Diary

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I can't tread water anymore.

I can't do this again. Wait for a bf to tell me that theylove me. I had to damn well threaten george to make me his girlfriend. It took him almost a year.and now I have to wait almost another year for him to tell me that he loves me? Wat happens if I wanted to marry him? He would never ask me. Never. And then how many years I was with him by that point would have all been for fucken nothing.Nothing!! And that's not the way I wanna live my life. I need someone who's emotionally stable, can communicate and not be afraid of expressing his feelings for me. Fuck! I'm gonna try to distance myself away from him. The operative word being 'try'. I don't know wat I'm going to do it hurts . Oh, george I know you have ex gf and mother issues, but none of that should be dumped on me. I don't think I even had a chance. Because you didn't give me one. You're never gonna change. You are who you are. You can go to iraq and fight for them, but you can't tell a woman who has been there for you since day one and who's loved you at first sight, that you love her?? Come on. Does that sound right? Sound fair? No. not from my end.it does not. I can't wait for you anymore to tell me that you love me I waited too
long.and long enough as it is. I'm I can't do this again. Wait for a bf to tell me that theylove me. I had to damn well threaten george to make me his girlfriend. It took him almost a year.and now I have to wait almost another year for him to tell me that he loves me? Wat happens if I wanted to marry him? He would never ask me. Never. And then how many years I was with him by that point would have all been for fucken nothing.Nothing!! And that's not the way I wanna live my life. I need someone who's emotionally stable, can communicate and not be afraid of expressing his feelings for me. Fuck! I'm gonna try to distance myself away from him. The operative word being 'try'. I don't know wat I'm going to do it hurts . Oh, george I know you have ex gf and mother issues, but none of that should be dumped on me. I don't think I even had a chance. Because you didn't give me one. You're never gonna change. You are who you are. You can go to iraq and fight for them, but you can't tell a woman who has been there for you since day one and who's loved you at first sight, that you love her?? Come on. Does that sound right? Sound fair? No. not from my end.it does not. I can't wait for you anymore to tell me that you love me I waited too
long.and long enough as it is. I'm sorry. After your birthday tomorrow, and I give you your birthday cookies, I'm not gonna meet up with you anymore. Cuz you don't even take the initiative to want to see me. God, I knew wat I was getting into. I knew how deep the water was, and could tread water, but my body is getting tired. (my heart is getting tired) and prob wen he says it, if he says it, it won't mean anything to me. And that's the saddest thing of all. All this time I've ben waiting for that. And poof nothing. X-(sorry. After your birthday tomorrow, and I give you your birthday cookies, I'm not gonna meet up with you anymore. Cuz you don't even take the initiative to want to see me. God, I knew wat I was getting into. I knew how deep the water was, and could tread water, but my body is getting tired. (my heart is getting tired) and prob wen he says it, if he says