vxxen's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

startin again

carlos called me today @6. i was in the movies and i didnt pick up. i am so upset. i loved him so much. went to the hospital with him, when his testicles hurt. i went with him, drove him there, risked gettin into trouble, spent money on tolls. i got him birthday present, chritmas present, valentines day gift. everything to tell him that i love him and that i cared about him. i took care of him when he got sick brought him and his family food because i knew he didnt eat and that his family didnt eat. spent money on cabs to go home so i wouldnt get into trouble for coming home too late cuz i wanted to spend more time with him. went thru the pain and humilation of us breaking up because i missed him and i couldnt not see him cuz i fucken worked with him. i hated the way i felt when he was flirtin with girls. i bet he hated the way he felt when i flirted with guys lmao( sucka) all those times i missed him and loved him so much that i would cry all the time.? cry at night? cry in the shower? walk around like a zombie? i hated that. i hate it now! and NOW when i i gor hurt, he didnt call me? and wen he said he was thinking about visiting he didnt?! i had an operation, and *I* had to call him to tell him!? im mad that he doesnt love me! doesnt call me! dont give a FUCK about me, when im over here upset? when i dont fucken need it!! fuck him! cuz now im upset again. i deserve more than that even if its by myself. how could someone be so cold? how could not be in love with this beautiful girl who wanted nothing the best for you? who tried to get you healthcare? a job? some love and light in your life because i know that your not happy because your family is in the dominican republic. and missed you so much because you went to the domincan republic to go see them last year, but i didnt say or do anything to make your trip sad or anything because she wanted you to be happy when u got that. i now realize that this...boy does not care a thing about me, because if he did... he would show and treat me with respect and love. and one day i will have that from a worthy young man. i just want this pain and torture to end....

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
-Helen Keller

10:36 p.m. - May 23, 2008

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next