vxxen's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- back at square....1.5 today was the puerto rican day parade i looked cute. cute and not slutty like half these bitches looked like. i had on a turquoise wife beater with the skirt to match and white sandals. i looked nice and ... i saw carlos today. when he saw me he couldnt keep his dick in his pants (literally) i was kinda proud of myself for that cuz when ur single u dont think that the guys that u think are cute notice you. well, thats what i think and to have him look like that at me i get excited but then again it could be that he hasnt had sex(maybe i dont know) in a while and he tells me that he misses me and that he masterbates to me. well, al i know was that he couldnt stop touching me in public and i was embarrassed. when i saw him he got a haricut (which i found a white haif on the side near his temple i thought it was so sexy) he saw me and his eyes lit up. i have to admit i am still in love with him, but i cant go farther than this. then the sex. but i know that once i sleep with him again the feeling will all come crashing back. and i dont think that i vould handle that shit again for a umpteenth time. cuz i know that he doesnt love me like i used to love him. and even though that hurts i cant let him go. god im back at square fucken one! when he kissed me it wasnt the same. and i was disappointed, when ur love for someone changes i never expected for the kiss to be the first thing to go. but it wasnt like it was anything bad it just didnt have the spark for me as it once did. but he tasted so sweet. so warm. *THAT* never changed. and im glad it didnt. but the way he held me... it was like a husband protecting his pregnant wife. with the hand at the small of her back. when he didnt that i tensed up. it made my heart jump and my breath catch i my throat. how can these feelings still be there when i trained them to go away. trained them, scolded them to never be reminded of the love ihad for him, i *STILL* cant listen to bacahata without tearing up. cant listen to my favorite regaeeton station that i listened to *BEFORE* him and now cant. im traing myself to listen to it gain ...so far im up to 10 seconds lol
i just want him to care, to love me.and i know that thats impossible because a man has to do that on his own with no help from anybody. and the one person that u want to love you....doesnt and its the worse feeling in the world. "And I wanted to cry out at her that I could not put the body apart from the soul, and that the comfort of her body was more than a thing of the flesh, but was also a comfort of the soul, and why it was I could not say, and why it should be, I could not say, but there was in it nothing that was ugly or evil, but only good. But how can one find such words?" - 9:38 p.m. - June 08, 2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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