vxxen's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Sighs* my mom saw some pretty.. 'risque' things i wrote down, it was my fantasy with the brookyln nite. when will i ever learn to keep things in my head, and not wrote them down?!? i mean when will i learn?!? so basically, the things my mother said about me uh being not right and sex this and sex that and the stuff about mamita dying of AIDS, when i really beleive she died of cancer. (cuz she tells everybody she died of cancer, but the she tells just me, and her dying of AIDS?! what kind of fucked up shit is that??!?!) so basically, she's trying to scare me into never havin sex. fat chance! if i wanna have sex, i'm gonna have sex, plain and simple. and it has made me scared of having sex. not scared of the diseases, even though that's not a good thing, or whatever, but i'm scared of how i'll actually feel when i *do* have sex. all of these emotions and feelings. i thrive on emotions and feelings. that's my air. without them i am nothing! but if i know the brookyln nite, and i think i do, he'll understand, he sair ok to me this morning when i texted him that i dont wanna have sex cuz what my mother said. then i was like, fuck that! she has no control of my life anymore! i go to college now! i'm 18! leave me the hell alone! shit! if you are comfortable with the way you raised me then let me live, i dont think they are comfortable. well whatever i know how to take care of myself! and what's starting to piss me of, is that my sister;s gettin like me, now, well the old me i was lazy and all this other shit, and mom and dad let it go like no thing at all!!!!!! this is *pissin* the shit outta me, and they get mad when i do my own thing or whatever, blah fuck them! lol i'm gonna get an apartment soon, so they can blow me! grr, but then i gotta find a way to pay for college, cuz i know once i leave the house, the will cut all ties to me. so, uh yeah, college... good bye! grr, i dont know what to do!!! well whatever ill cross that bridge when i come to it..... :sighs: Vxxen "Fuck you, Fuck them, Fuck that!" ~A surfer dude from Florida 9:21 a.m. - September 04, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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