vxxen's Diaryland Diary

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dont want you to go, baby

i been going out with carlos ferreira since november 3, 2006 (thats the first time we had sex) in 3 hours i have to call him to wake him up so he can catch a plane to go back to the dominican republic to see his familyhe says that he wants to go but he doesnt want to go. he doesnt want to leave all he knows to go to all he used to know. we couldnt have sex last night or this morning ( i slept over) cuz my period was slowing down and i was so mad grr but anyway i was lying downa dn he told me that its ok and that its not about the sex for him and that he understands. that made me so happy you have no idea. :-) i been thinkin about him leaving and every time i think about it my eyes, tear up. i get all mushy. after that we were lying in the dark and he was hold in gon to me and keepin my close like he likes to. and i started sniffling and crying and i said-carlos?-yes?- if i tell you something youpromise not to get mad? .....-just tell me..- i sighed and tlod him that what am i gonna do without you? -he said what are you talkin about, baby?- i said that im gonna be lost without you.- he didnt say anything for a while and he said what happens when we break up? i said i dont know. i think i'd be lost without you too. he said no, baby. you have to be strong. i said ok and i think i went to sleep after that. but before that he said that he was gonna miss me- i'm gonna miss you motherfucker- -lol i know. im gonna miss you too nigga- lol we always talk like taht to each other. the night before that he said that he loved me and then he yells and go -i know what i said ok? muthafucker? i love you. lol i love you too carlos. but today, the whold day that i was with him, i kept tryint to make things light and easy so it would be ok for us to say goodbye and shit. he said h gonna call me when he;s settled and shit -hi kamilita.- hi, carlito! how are you?- i'm fine how a re you-lmfao and he says this all in a high voice lol he makes me laugh lol i love that nigga and i dont know what im gonna do w/o talking tohim everyday and always on the verge of tears all the time. he says when he gets back that 'we gonna make the sex alll day' lol lol lmfao i go yeah yeah lol very much looking forward to it lol lol when he told me that he was gonna stay a month i thought why does he have to stay a whole month? 2 weeks aint good enough?? and sure enough a couple of days after the told me what i was thinking lol muthafucker why you gotta stay a month for? thats what he said back to me lol and i laughed and saig nooo i didnt think that lol he said yeah yeah mutha fucker i know lol - you dont know shit migga- yeah mutha fucker i know you lol - yeah yeah eyah- ...that muther fucker know me and im gonna miss him terribly....


ps
i took his world yacht id and he knew i was gonna take it lol i told him thsis and he said that he knew and asked me why i took it and i said beacause.. and he said i know mutherfucker so you have something of mine, right?-yes.- -yes i know- :-/


does he also know how much i'm gonna miss him.... i think he does i just hope i dont cry when i call him ... :-(

There's no use in weeping,
Though we are condemned to part:
There's such a thing as keeping
A remembrance in one's heart...

-Charlotte Bronte, Parting

11:24 p.m. - February 18, 2007

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