vxxen's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- doing it again why the HELL is he always calling and caring?he shouldnt be caring he shouldnt be missing me, shouldnt be saying it. he says he misses me and i said that if he missed me why didnt he come see me? call me? something? i dont understand. well if he wants me again im not gonna make it easy. im gonna make it as cold and ... well whatever the word is as possible. because all this time i went after him to get him back now hes gotta want me and fight for me. thats not fair. sometimes i get angry and shit and there really is no need for me to feel like this because i should never speak to him again and ne er hear from him again. but he says he wants me as a friend. he misses me, hes always thinking about me sexually. but i dont know i dont feel i want him as i did before i KNOW that there is someone out there for me . someone better, who can love me passionalty, handle me gently, make me feel safe, is a fighter, a lover, a gentle soul a thinker, a reader, a vocalist, a gentle man, a gentleman, sexy, just all around respectful,a dn successful. and i see him right there in my head. and im so in love with the guy in my head. i wonder if thats sick? i really dont care because that guy has kept me from being... lost. from being i a wreck. . and its weird cuz it took a serious breakup and and me not calling him and me to get hurt and hippy calling me to call me 3,4 times a day just to talk to me, i figure to get me to ask him to be my bf again. i honestly can tell you that i dont want him as my bf anymore. but i dont know that i would want me to sleep with him again even though wen i see him face to face taht i know i would want to but as of right now i dont want to . i better than that. i know i am. he says that hes gonna touh my ass, i told him that he cant anymore. he got a taken back when i said that o well i dont want him to touch me, then i said that carlos even though were not together anymore, i want all the best for him and that i will always care for him. he said th knows and i said that i will never be mean to you, never put you down or make fun of you or any of that. he says that he knows that. he says that he misses me and he says all this things because i know that he is saying these things to make me soft well i aint gonna be nones soft shit. 9:19 p.m. - May 04, 2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||