vxxen's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- undecided Yo me and Papi are back together again. God I love this kid so much he smokes dust and when he��s on it, he is so completely stupid. I love him so much and I dont know what to do. I dont want to let go of him, cuz we love each other and I guess that im afraid that no one wil love me or whatever but I don��t know. And the sex is frickin great! And he can kiss me like I always wanted to kiss me. I ca get of too and he really cares that I do. �� and we talked about getting married in the future but I don��t know if I can have children cuz I know he wants more children but he wont talk about it. I told him that we hae to start wearing condoms and shit but he wont I mean I don��t want o either but I think im gonna go on the pill and shit even thought he don��t want me on it. Fuck him. Id rather be whatever then pregnant. ok so now hes gonna start working at shoprite i want him to get a job but then I don��t want him to work at shoprite. Cuz he��s gonna know what im about and then we gonna get into arguments and shit and we always go get into arguments but then we have make-up sex. I looove the make up sex. I wanna live again with this dude. I wanna live a life with him but I know that we aing gonna go any wher cuz its all me. I don��t want it to be all me. I want him to take care of me. I cheated on him and he found out. He took me back that made me so happy when he did but now :sighs: im having a little bit of a problem. I want to be happy. he always makes me horny he makes me happy but not all the time. and when im not happy i go out anf i cheat. usually with james. papi was discussing tha (well actually REMINDING me) that i cheated. and that i did him wrong. yeah i did him wrong, but wbut when ppl cheat they sometimes are not happy with their partner's behavior and you go out and you spend time with another person completely different to reaffirm your feelings for the person your with. but then again thats just me. i had that feeling again yesterday. and i told him. he didnt pay attention. im gonna tell him tonight. cuz i hate this feeling like this. i think i get bored. but then i think about the sex. and i dont want it to be about sex. but i think my mother is right. he gets pussy an money. (she dont know i give him money) and i get nothing. i dont know what to do. i know what i want. i want pat. and i guess i want the headache, nd heartache if i want him, cuz im gona get the whole package whether i like it or not. because i love him. and i know it may sound foolish, but whatever i dont give a fuck. its just bothering cuz i know i can find someone better, i just dont want to start over and do it all over again, cuz if i do, ill never find him cuz my whoole cycle will continue :sighs: o, bother ~VxXen~ "Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within." -James Baldwin "A relationship is like a rose, How long it lasts, no one knows; Love can erase an awful past, Love can be yours, you'll see at last; To feel that love, it makes you sigh, To have it leave, you'd rather die; You hope you've found that special rose, 'Cause you love and care for the one you chose." -Rob Cella 9:50 a.m. - April 08, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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