vxxen's Diaryland Diary

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IF NOBODY WANTS ME, *I* WANT ME! LETS GO!

today is kinda an ok day . I got up to go to the gym, straighten up the house and shit but as the day continued, I was angry. about a lot of things
angry about Jason
angry about tj
angry that I feel nobody wants me
angry that the people tat DO want me, I don't want them
I'm angry that I'm 33 years old and don't have anybody. my parents were already together for 6 years, married 3 and had 3 kids by my age already. and I know that I shouldn't look around at others and stuff because its not healthy and I know it but I can't help it. the only thing thats saving me right now is the gym and the endorphins that it pushes to my brain to help me out. and I know I'm only doing what I have to do like finish up school and go to work and take care of the house, but its hurtful. like, I know how to be alone and shit and being alone doesn't bother me, its the fact that nobody wants me. and that keeps playing over and over in my head. and thats not good. and smoking my weed pen probably dent help either LMFAO :shrugs" ill prob stop its another funk brought on by the man(LOL) I gotta fight it like I fight everything else .lol no biggie I just gotta stop thinking that way

in a lighter now I'm down to 155. my heaviest weight in high school. its not so bad being 155. lol looking back I thought I was fat and shit. shit, fat is 189! lol so from 189 to 155 from a year ago is a pretty good accomplishment. enrolled in school, graduate in oct. so what if boys don't want me?! I WANT ME! I love writing. lol it makes me feel better and can see the change in my attitude as I write lol

3:04 p.m. - August 29, 2018

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