vxxen's Diaryland Diary

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Thomas: a drunken dyslexic...A Play

Ok. So (ahem)

I've been messing around with Tj ( I call him by his full name Thomas so if I interchange, I'm talking about the same person) ok

I liked him a while back but he was depressed and shit and didn't want anybody. so, when I wanted him, he didn't want me so I moved on and started fucken with Steve. (yeah, yeah I know I know lol) back then my hormones were NUTS! I was always sleeping with a guy for a long time and hated living like that but didn't know what was wrong with me so just eat doing it and whenever I trie to calm down it didn't work and ruined friendships but oh well, I'm much better now.
so yeah, TJ

we started hanging out going out to eat to the bar, to movies and it progressed last week I went over to his apartment and cooked dinner. he got me on this kept diet and it fucken works lol so I'm happy about that. My starting weight was 189 I'm now at 153. I'm so excited lol my goal is to be in a bikini but next summer so I'm on the right track. I wanna be at my IDEAL weight of 128, like I was back in my 20s but we'll see lol

ok back to TJ.
so, he's only like had sex with like 4 bitches and shit and I've had a LOT more partners than that. lol (shrugs) fuck it I aint ashamed. when I'm 80, ill be remembering (hopefully) lol with pride or whoever good emotion I choose. lol
so, we wound up having sex last week and it was pretty good. not like Jason (whom I have NOW resolved to calling him Bazooka Joe like the gum. , because his dick was soft like bubble gum LMFAO I laughed a good week with THAT one hahah) BUT,
yesterday, me and TJ are hanging out and talking and fucken for like a good 4 hours off and on and he's drunk or whatever, and you. know how niggas get (he's half Spanish and Irish, so he's white, but I dont think he knows what kind of Spanish he is because he really doesn't know his dad and shit which sucks) and when they're feeling comfortable and shit when they're drunk and having sex. so, he starts with this secrets and talk and shit which , I've been thru this so know the deal I just listen cuz that as what he prob wanted. but, then he goes into stupid shit. like feminist and shit don't exist and all this other things like theres not patriarchy and shit and I'm he mentioned a group for men that fights for mens rights like the rights of fathers that want sole custody of children that woman use their kids against them. and I TOLD him I read something like that and he was surprised. I was like, 'Really nigga? don't let this pretty face fool you. I read everything I can get my hands on when I have the time,. I read the art of war, homer, plato all of these books by greeks and others.' He's like, 'You do? wow, I didn't know that.' I rolled my eyes. yeah. I'm not all about superheroes and batman and DC, nigga like get it together. just because I don't talk about serious stuff and shit don't make me stupid. ' I let THAT go, because he's drunk or whatever. BUT WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO SAY WAS:

'Nigga. I don't have a learning disability like YOU do. I don't have dyslexia. I read EVERYTHING>! I knew how to read when I walked into kindergarten when my mother taught me. I was in the 4th grade reading at an 8th grade level. I proofread thesis for my mother who was talking MASTER'S CLASSES. I'm not joke so don't think that just cuz I don't go around professing my intelligence, that I'm dumb as wood posts.

THEN he goes into racism and there NOT being white privilege and how black ppl can be racist and some other shit.. I was like, "aye, yo. you need to shut the fuck up right now. cuz you know NOTHING of racism so u need to shut the fuck up.' like I pissed the fuck off. so at this point, I'm starting to get dressed cuz I know he's getting wound up . we relax a little then he mentions STEVE and his brother (he went to an all boy school with the twins THATS how small Staten Island is. for real. ) and he was like I can't believe you sleep with them and me at the same time. I said, 'whoa. hold the fuck up. I NEVER fucked you. you didn't want to sleep with me and you could BARELY handle me giving you head so we had to stop. don't fucken start with me, I can and WILL sleep with as many guys as I fucken want. I just didn't want you. don't push me.' I was like, fuck you Thomas. you're a fucken dick and I HATE you drunk. youre'just like your cousin his cousin is Sean who ALSO has a drinking problem. so I fucken see the family tradition)
I liked him . like I was really starting to. I thought he wasn't a punk and shit and all of this he lost a lot of weight and he cleaned himself up and shit. but, now. ... I don't want anything to do with him. I just want my comic con tickets that he ordered for me and keep it moving. he killed it for me. I move MAD quick from niggas that I don't need/want/benefit from. fuck that . I got shit to do. weight to lose, work to go to , and school to finish. so, I've kinda toned down talking to him. like I have no desire or urge to strike up a conversation with him. so whatever. lets see. I kinda let it go and forgive him but I moved on LOL I work fast. we texted it out and I told him how I felt so I feel better but if he EVER does that shit to me again, I'm gonna let him have it. I'm sick of holding my tongue around ppl. like I'm fucken tired of it. cuz IM the one that feels like shit after. so. now, I'm gonna say what I want to people. customers, friends, acquaintances. everybody. AND he told EVERYBODY thats around him that we're sleeping together. like really nigga? (GROOANNNSS) what are we fucken 16?! whatever it was over just as soon as it ended. fuck that. but you know what REALLY gets me?!

he asked me, "Do you ever feel that you're better than everybody ?"
'What?'
"Do you feel that you're better than everybody?"
'Um. no. I don't feel that I'm better than anybody I'm just me and thats all I can be. why?"
"Idk. I think that I am.'
"seriously?"
'yeah.'
LOL oh, ok lol

like REALLY nigga?! you told me that you found Cheat answers for a test for you to take for the electricians test to get into the union and get a job!
nigga you can't read
he crazy. and can't believe that I fucken liked him.
ugh
god theres something wrong with me
no wonder I like money so much. money don't let you down or make you look stupid.
fuk that
oh
and he also told me that he had sex with gab. his 'cousin' but not really related but it seems like they are

A word of advice kids, If you're drunk , keep your drunk, crazy shit to yourself. :-D

11:30 p.m. - August 26, 2018

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