vxxen's Diaryland Diary

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I feel like a junkie. . .

i wanted to spend new years with him. he's gonna be in DC. i wanted to spend his birthday party/celebration with him. He's gonna be in DC. i feel like an asshole. seriously. i wanna delete him. i really want to so i dont have to look at his page anymore, to read about him. but im still thinking that there is a shot with him and i soooo know that there isn't. there cant be. at all. no chance. this sooo sucks. sucks major ass. all i know is that i cant keep being like this. obsessive. i can't I'm always wondering when he's gonna text me and then i dont wanna bother him so i try (try being the operative word here) not to text him so much. is this all really worth it. ok. lets say by some snap of the fingers that he wants to be with me. ok cool. he works 6 days a week. no transportation. we live on *TOTALLY* opposite ends of the island. we really dont have that much similar interests. i like comic books. i dont know what the fuck he likes. he likes video games. i like video games. i can spell. he cant. i like to read. he dont . we both have jokes on each other. we're both attracted to each other. he's sweet to me. but other than that? what we got. nothing . he doesn't like to talk about anything and when i mean anything i mean N O T H I N G! AT. ALL! i dont know if he has siblings, who he lives with, what does he do at work, what the army was like, who he went out with. nothing. i dont even know his fucken favorite color! what the fuck, man! i like him a lot. for about 4 years. and i dont know his favorite color?! thats bullshit. he didn't even wish me a happy birthday this past summer AND WE WERE TEXTING EACH OTHER! whyyyy do i put myself thru this?! fucken why?! i have to delete him. i have to. this is getting nuts. im sitting here getting all upset over a dick who probably dont even think about me like that. i swore to myself that i wouldn't go thru this up and down like i did with andre. i need to be constant. stable. level. so i can better function as a human. and not some mindless 'junkie' who can't function without a 'hit' from george. this is fucken nuts. i'm gonna take the plunge and delete him. damn. wait. no. i cant. no! I'm gonna. NOW

11:37 p.m. - December 25, 2010

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