vxxen's Diaryland Diary

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R u fucken kidding me?!?!?

U have got to be kidding me. Me and himbeen goingout four months I think. Don't know how long I'm gonnalast with him. It's like he has mo fucken common sense or some shit. Well wat can I expect he didn't donish high school. He had towork cuz his father got hurt. But shit damn. That's not the point. This is. I have trouble enjoying sex cuz of the vitamins. Ok cool it suck butnotthe end of the world. We def knewthat we were gonnahave sex for new years so we thought if we held off from sex things would be defferent. New year eve comes around. No sex. He was tired and too fucked up. I was pissedand was having trouble letting it go but was going away. . .new years day. He tells me after I afl questions likeim fucken working for dick Tracy , he tells me that wen he drinks he Gets sleepy . ........ Um, are u KIDDIN?! U KNOW that I've been having trouble with sex lately and we agreed almost two weeksin advance that we are gonna hold off and u fucken knewuget sleepy wen u drink!!?! Oh yeah? Ok. Well fuck u nigga. No amount of apologizing and telling me that ur gonna make it up to me is gonna make thus go away. I don't think he's for me. We like the same stuff and shit bur watever. It's like something is not fucken clicking upstairs. I mean I know I ain't nofucken saint either or watever, but shit if I knew something was important iwould do everything in my power tomake it right or wat have u. But this is some ol' bullshit. And I toldhim that sex is important to me. I'm sorry that's the way I feel, sue me. This shows me that ur not considerate. That u don't give a tuck vthat u don't care. And this ain't the only time shit like this has happened. He tells me I'm trying or I'm learning. Nigga fuck u and the horse u rode on. Now idont no whether to drop him altogether, keep him as a sex buddy (which idk bout cuz that sounds stupid if he couldn't deliver the first time) or stay with him but only do me. Take care of myself first and forget him. I'm thinking about that. But that's too much work. That would make me more angry than wat I already am. Shit. I'd drop him altogether. I would turn myself cold, cncentrate on my steno and be happy by myslf. Cuz I damn sure don't need this bullshit. Writing usually helps me but I'm so far beyond pissed: . . And I gotta wake up early to get my hair done yay fir that. I'm not even gonna call him or text him or nuttin. And I'm gonna ignore him and his shit. Fuck'em. He lucky I ain't the same bitch I was before. I'd def hurt a niggas feelings then. Sheet.